


The Rain Storm

by fmo



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: F/F, Gen, Just like a real episode, M/M, Transcript Format, mermaid - Freeform, probably a bit fluffier than canon though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-23
Updated: 2013-08-23
Packaged: 2017-12-24 09:05:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/938135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fmo/pseuds/fmo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A localized rainstorm appears over a nonspecific section of land outside town that was definitely not once known as the Night Vale Harbor and Waterfront Recreation Area. Carlos the Scientist discovers that somehow the town recently jumped ahead in time by one year; this is a topic for debate. A mermaid emerges from the Night Vale Harbor Lake, which has certainly always existed, and declares her True Love for a member of the Sheriff's Secret Police. And, of course, there's the Community Calendar and a message from the Night Vale Veterinary Community.</p><p>[I really wanted more Welcome to Night Vale, so I tried to make this fic as much like a transcript of a real episode as possible.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Rain Storm

 

The sea is salty. So are tears.

 

Welcome to Night Vale.

 

*

 

Hello, citizens of Night Vale. Firstly, some information on the strange miniature storm that is currently raining heavily on a small area out of town to the north that you definitely wouldn’t know for any particular reason. We all began to notice the lightning flashes in the sky from the localized storm a few hours ago. Although many of our thoughts naturally turned to the Glow Cloud that visited our small berg over a year ago and is currently a member of our School Board, I can confirm for you that this storm cloud is not glowing at all, and is merely raining what appears to be water and not animals of any kind. So no need to worry! This accumulation of water vapor will almost certainly not attempt to control our minds.

 

The Sheriff’s Secret Police have asked all citizens to avoid the unimportant zone of land affected by the storm and are currently investigating the phenomenon. More on this story as it develops.

 

*

 

Intense debate has been prompted this week by the discovery, made by my dear, perfect, vigilant Carlos, that at some time between the 14th and 18th of last month the date in Night Vale somehow slipped one year ahead. Apparently, expiration dates on cans of food at the Ralphs, the dates written on the tops of homework assignments by students at the high school, and even the dates on Carlos’s own lab reports suddenly were one year later than they had been. It seems that if Carlos had not noticed the difference while doing science in his lab on Monday, we all would never had known that we were all suddenly one year ahead.

 

We are not currently sure if our neighboring town, Desert Bluffs, experienced the same date skip or not, because, honestly, who cares what those guys do anyway? They are just the worst, and probably don’t even have any brilliant and beautiful scientists to keep track of things.

 

Anyway, here at the station we have received many letters, notes scrawled desperately in someone’s blood, and telepathic transmissions from concerned listeners sharing their opinion on this phenomenon.

 

Concerned citizen Larry Leroy wrote in in favor of the date change: “Think of all the dangerous events that happened, or would have happened, or something, in that year,” he points out. “Like Valentine’s day. We got to skip all of those less pleasant days in the calendar, and now we can just imagine the good days however we’d like, which is mostly what we do anyway.” Thanks, Larry, for a thoughtful opinion. Leann Hart shared a similar sentiment in her editorial in yesterday’s _Night Vale Daily Journal_ , Imagination Edition. Leann says: “Doesn’t all memory eventually vanish into nothingness anyway? Our memories of the years we’ve spent will all be obliterated when we die, as we all eventually will. We should all live in the moment, and grasp each new day with positivity and determination to achieve our goals.”

 

 _Steve Carlsberg_ , who has written to this station every day this week, and who has also never been right any of those times, offers a counterpoint, saying, “This is obviously a government conspiracy. The City Council has stolen our time, perhaps to sell it to those who have no time, perhaps to perpetuate their own infinite lifespans. It’s time for us to speak out and demand our year back!” Steve, do I really need to say this? The government would never do anything like stealing a year from its citizens, and also the government was also probably using that time for necessary public works to improve our own beloved city. You pay taxes, don’t you, Steve? I certainly hope you do. Well, my opinion is that we should consider this a ‘time tax.’ You wouldn’t ask the government to give your taxes _back_ , would you? Of course not.

 

*

 

An update on the small localized thunderstorm at the Night Vale Harbor and Waterfront Recreation Area, which, I need not remind you, currently exists and always has existed. We have reports stating that the storm has stopped, but that a mermaid has emerged from the murky depths of our beautiful Harbor Lake, which has also, of course, always existed. According to eyewitness accounts, the mermaid seemed like a really cool person and someone who would have a collection of really interesting music that you might not even ever have heard of.

 

We hear that the mermaid’s tail formed into legs while she rested and dried off on the artfully antiqued boardwalks of the Harbor and Waterfront Recreation Area, just by the historic ruins of the vendor stands. The mermaid then approached a particular officer of the Sheriff’s Secret Police on the scene and told her (the Secret Police Officer) that she (the mermaid) had recently fallen in love with her (the Secret Police Officer) while rescuing her from drowning. The mermaid said that she wanted to live on land forever, because it was true love. The Secret Police Officer would probably recognize her, the mermaid said, by her singing voice, which spanned like four octaves.

 

Per official protocol for this type of situation, the Secret Police Officer responded by telling the mermaid that it was not really healthy to change her entire lifestyle for the sake of a romantic partner. The Sheriff’s Secret Police also pointed out that she had never met the mermaid before and had never drowned in the Harbor Lake, because she had always taken proper safety precautions while enjoying recreation in the Night Vale Harbor and Waterfront Recreation Area. The Secret Police Officer then added that it wasn’t that she was _not_ interested, and she was open to, you know, maybe getting to know one another and seeing how things went. And the mermaid said, “Okay.”  And it was a little awkward, but also kind of nice.

 

Our lake-borne newcomer was last seen talking to the angels who live with Old Woman Josie and trying to convince them to join her band, which she was just starting but which would definitely be the next big thing.

 

As the storm has passed, the Sheriff’s Secret Police have declared the Night Vale Harbor and Waterfront Recreation Area open once again for business. What a great place to bring your loved ones for some pleasant outdoors recreation, right, folks? So go ahead and get out there, Night Vale!

 

I take you now to the weather.

 

 

*

 

And now, a word from our sponsors. No. NO! It can’t be. This goes against everything we know, everything that informs our experience of life on this little Earth. Although we see it, our minds just can’t comprehend it, as though our psyche is repelled by the information our eyes and ears and tongues are bringing it. We say again, NO!

 

This message brought to you by Wendy’s.

 

*

 

A public service announcement from Night Vale’s veterinary community: please, spay and neuter your pets. Although we at the station love, adore, and worship Khoshekh and all of his kittens, the men’s bathroom is now becoming quite crowded, especially around neck level. On that note, we do appreciate the recent donation from Night Vale Community College of a hovering play structure to keep our large family of feline friends entertained. I’ve also seen advertisements for a little electronic device that kind of moves around randomly so that cats can play with it, and I think Khoshekh would really like that, so keep that in mind, listeners, while you are performing your weekly ritual late-night infomercial purchase of not less than twenty dollars, plus tax.

 

This has been a public service announcement from Night Vale’s veterinary community.

 

*

 

Now a look at the Community Calendar. Don’t forget, of course, that our dates are now falling on different days of the week, due to our exciting jump ahead in time by a one year! If you still have a calendar showing last year’s dates, burn it. BURN IT.

 

Saturday: Life Milestone Documentation is due at City Hall today. Did you break up with a significant other, get a new job, or experience a moment of transcendent joy? Find the proper form or forms and turn those documents in on time. Or else.

 

Sunday: The School Board will be holding a meeting to determine if last year’s grades should be counted for this year, or if both years are really part of the same year and therefore there should be just one grade, and also which GPA range this year will be used to randomly select the high school senior class’s unlucky, yet glorious, Marching Band Color Guard. Last year it was 3.26 to 3.35.

 

Monday: On Monday, free flu shots will be available all day at the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex. Do you want to have the flu? Then head on down there. Supplies are limited.

 

Tuesday: New Station Intern Sixth, who arrived in town this morning, as we previously reported, will be hosting a Slam Poetry Night at 7 p.m. at the Moonlite All-Nite Diner. Intern Sixth encourages all to attend and give this new and creative art form a try while enjoying municipally permitted coffee beverages. Incidentally, we offer our condolences to the family of our previous intern, Intern Jen, after she unfortunately looked out of her window last night in direct contradiction of the City Council’s warning. Intern Jen, you will be missed.

 

Thursday: Do you remember exactly what you did ten years ago today? Are you sure? Better check. You’ll probably need to know.

 

This has been the Community Calendar.

 

*

 

Listeners, we are hearing reports that, far out in the sands on the north side of town, water is pouring upward from the ground and into a massive floating formation of water vapor, somehow. Station Intern Sixth noted that this upwards water flow seemed to be coming from no place of particular relevance to anyone, especially her.

 

Luckily, no casualties have been reported from this nonspecific area, as of course nobody was present at the time when the upwards water flow began.

 

*

 

 

Did you know that your body’s composition is 70% water? Imagine that your body has tides, slowly ebbing and flowing as morning and evenings pass. Imagine the fall of raindrops on your body, changing a mirror-like smooth surface into a chaos of circles and ripples. And then slowly retreating, allowing your body to calm, to return to its former unfathomable evenness and perfection. Know that the water in your body has melted from ancient glaciers and pulsed in the hearts of hundreds of other human beings, who were also composed mostly of water, just like you.

 

Good night, Night Vale. Goodnight.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic includes a few references/homages to the Tom Hanks movie Splash. In this movie, mermaids have tails when they're wet and legs when they're dry. Also, the mermaid in Splash gets her name, Madison, from the street sign for Madison Avenue. Thus our mermaid's name, Sixth.


End file.
